Ultranumb
by vapz
Summary: [I just felt that I couldn't even breathe.] Killua encounters Illumi: circumstances lead to a fight. One-shot, Killua's POV. Set after the Chairman Election arc, minor spoilers for the arc's end. Minor Kilugon if you're wearing intense shipping goggles. (I was.)


My jaw clenches, a twitching in my limbs telling me to run—a feeling that I thought I'd gotten rid of for good, that I'd torn out of my forehead with bleeding hands and ground into the dirt. It sends shivers down my spine and tremors through my legs, but I fight it fight it fight it because I can't run, not here, not now, not ever. Ever again.

With a quaking breath, I step forward. I watch as his eyebrows raise ever so slightly, his eyes unchanging. Still fixed, coldly staring, as they've been for years. "Your eyes are like mine, Killu."

"That's a lie!" I yell, unable to stop myself from taking a sudden step back as he starts to walk slowly towards me, each step controlled, measured, and utterly _terrifying_. Fighting to appear in control, I tense and shift to a defensive stance. "I'm _nothing _like you!"

"We have a lot in common."

"I _don't_—"

"We both have no friends."

My eyes flash. For a second, my breath catches in my throat, sharp pain slicing through me like a knife. An instant later, I'm swallowed by burning, pulsing _rage_. My teeth grind together.

Fists clenched so tightly they shake, my eyes sharp, I abruptly break into a run, knowing that I won't be able to touch him the second he drifts lazily out of the way, but leaping and sending a kick in his direction all the same, just wanting to beat him and crush him and not kill him, but make him _take it back_—

I miss, of course, flying past him—

The instant one of my feet hits the ground I use my momentum to twist and throw myself back at him, forcing all my Nen into my shoulder, to pummel into his side and make him hurt even a fraction of what I have—

I see his arm moving, my eyes widening, realising my mistake too late—

His arm hits me in the side, my body crumpling and tearing without defence, a wordless scream escaping my throat as I rush to shift my Nen to my back, to stop it breaking when I—

A crack erupts from my back as I hit the ground, but no sound comes from my mouth.

I listen to my struggling breath, stunned, feeling warm blood leaking from my side. _That was reckless_, I think. _That was stupid! _I hadn't been thinking. Why hadn't I been thinking?! I hadn't even considered using Godspeed to land a hit on him. It was like for a moment I was so angry that I'd stopped even processing the danger, started running right into deadly situations like Gon—

I groan, the name flicking a switch in my mind. Illumi's eyes hold nothing but my bloody reflection as he watches me. Trembling, I put one hand to my side and struggle to sit, gasping as my body protests. Of course I ignore it. Illumi himself trained me to keep going even when every instinct I had screamed that I shouldn't be able to. I would not make another mistake. The accelerating blood loss is heightening my senses, the smell of it making me more aware, all trace of recklessness gone.

I'd almost think that he'd got me again, if it wasn't for how much I was ready to tear him apart.

"You still want to fight?" he says, a trace of boredom in his voice. My anger flares up, my free hand clenching tightly, but I grit my teeth and stop myself from running at him. Illumi wouldn't kill me, but he _would_ take me back home. I couldn't let that happen—then Alluka would have to go back too. _Alluka_. That's right. In the moment, I'd forgotten all about Alluka, who I'd told to stay right where she was while I dealt with the sinister aura that I could have recognised from a mile away. The hand over my side tightens, sticky with crimson blood even as it drips to the floor. I'd forgotten Alluka. What will happen to her if I die here?

_I won't_, I think, but the red of my shirt says otherwise.

I've just about got myself focused when Illumi continues, his voice dull but his words cutting. "I didn't realise you valued your 'friend' so much. Didn't he leave you alone?"

"You _shut up!_" I yell, shaking where I stand, only half caused by my injury. It takes me a moment to think of a retaliation. "I'm not alone! I have Alluka!"

He laughs, but there's nothing remotely funny about it. "Come now, Killu. You know that thing doesn't count."

I see red. Tensing and crouching slightly, I hold up both fists, as if to fight. Illumi's eyes fix on my left hand, cherry red, before rolling lazily back at me, as if to taunt me into getting myself more broken. In that moment, I gather all my strength into my feet, before activating Godspeed and launching myself at him. This time, he looks mildly surprised, but still reaches forward, intending to catch me by the arm—

The millisecond his skin touches mine, I release the electricity, _as much as I can_—

He hardly blinks, thrown for only a moment, but that's all I need—

I channel the electricity I have left back into my legs, fighting for momentum and pushing myself higher, above him—

Building up my Nen into my foot and bringing it down—

It connects with his head with a sharp crack.

I fall to the ground with him, barely landing on both feet, stumbling to distance myself and swaying slightly as my wound starts to take its toll. The sensation of my foot hitting flesh repeats through my mind, echoing, echoing.

_I hit him._

_I actually hit him!_

I'm shaking, elation pouring in despite myself. Suddenly all the fear melts away, the worries about letting Alluka down, the frustration at not getting him to even try to take back what he said about Gon, the ingrained terror that I've lived with my entire life. Falling away.

He sits up, but I'm already straightening, a newfound strength flooding through me even as my body sways weakly.

His voice completely unfazed, he says, "It took you fourteen years to hit me, Killu." He stands, rising to my height and past it. "Can you do it again?"

I take a shaky step towards him, staring right into his flat eyes, before spitting blood at his feet. I look up.

I smirk.

"Bring it on."


End file.
